Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
