he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
