I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
