Define "chronic" masturbator.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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