I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I love having hate sex.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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