woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize