Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i will never coherently bang her
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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