It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
