; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
