he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
