I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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