Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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