my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
