Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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