So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
