I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
