By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
