I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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