also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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