found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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