my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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