how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
