Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
