and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My dick has a subreddit
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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