He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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