your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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