you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Blood and glitter go together right?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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