How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
