I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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