i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
