She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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