Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
How external is "for external use only"?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
