I just saw a hot homeless man
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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