It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
