She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
