So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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