He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
