I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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