I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
