You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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