wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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