so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
