Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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