I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
