i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
