Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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