my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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