elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema†were spoken.
Randomize
