oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
