she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize