My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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