You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
