just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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