I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
