no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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