I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
