Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
