allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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