Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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