So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She even gives head with a lisp.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
