I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize