You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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