So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
